im about as happy as oj after his trial
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
