Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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