Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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