By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
