I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize