somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
