Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
