he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
