i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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