the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
