Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
