Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
