dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
