Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize