Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize