Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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