What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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