guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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