I think I am morally bankrupt
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
