Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
