im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
