Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
