Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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