Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
