Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
