just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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