the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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