If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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