Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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