my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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