Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize