# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
