How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
