So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
