So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
whose parrot is this?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
