Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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