I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
