I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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