i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
