you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
