Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
