if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You took a bar mat shot.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
