Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
