So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
