I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
