How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
