I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
