If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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