FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
