Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize