What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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