She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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