You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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