I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
