u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
