my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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