Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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