i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize