Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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