you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
