I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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