i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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