That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
