The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
