This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
