See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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